Branching Out Wood

Modern Functional Home Decor by David Wertheimer

Fight the Scourge of Cup Rings!

English was easy - lets conquer this problem worldwide!

English was easy - lets conquer this problem worldwide!

Do your guests need constant reminders to use the coasters? Despite your copious coasters strewn on every available surface, do set down their sweating mugs right next to them? Do your pleadings and exhortations to not add to the existing cup rings on your expensive wood table fall on deaf ears?

For English speakers, there are many coasters available that strongly encourage your guests to use the coasters, including my own version from solid walnut right here.

But if you have a lot of international guests - or you just want to obscure the forcefulness of your message with a beautiful script of a foreign language, making a conversation piece and perhaps cementing your very reasonable request in your guests mind - you’d need these in other languages.

Fortunately, that’s something I’m working on, but I can’t do it alone - I need your help to translate “Use the fucking coaster!” into different languages.

But a straight translation of those words doesn’t always work - what would be:

  • The appropriate profanity to use, what sounds natural? Nothing PG-rated here - let’s keep the tone consistent! For instance, the best Korean version roughly translates to “Try using the coaster, you little shit”

  • Short enough to carve? I’m not laser etching, I’m actually carving with a bit into the wood. Ideally, that means 3 lines of 9 characters, but perhaps 4 lines of 10 could work if necessary. For instance, in Italian, coaster is “sottobicchiere”, so I’m going with a phrase closer to “Hey asshole, use me”

  • Use the local script. Though I appreciate the transliteration as well, I definitely want to get the saying in the local alphabet or characters.


Fill out this form, or send me an email with the translation and language, and ideally also, the transliteration and translation.

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Languages already translated:

  • Arabic

  • Chinese (Cantonese)

  • Chinese (Mandarin)

  • Dutch

  • German

  • Hindi

  • Italian

  • Korean

  • Norwegian

  • Polish

  • Russian

  • Spanish

  • Tagalog

  • Vietnamese

Though all languages welcome, a few that are particularly desired are:

  • Burmese

  • Cuneiform

  • French

  • Greek

  • Hebrew

  • Khmer

  • Lao

  • Malay

  • Thai

  • Sci Fi languages

    • Elvish

    • Dwarvish

    • Klingon

    • Romulan

Thank you to the many folks who have helped me get & validate the translations I have already: Adam; Allen C; Amrith R; Carmen R; Cocoy V; Cody G; Eric V; Grace L; Jan P; Nico P; Osman K; Paul T; Priyanka P; Sriyanta; Yao Y. Apologies if I’ve missed your name!